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Nautical Humor

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More nautical points to ponder:

  • If tin whistles are made out of tin, what are fog horns made of?
  • If swimming is good for your shape, then why do whales look that way?
  • Do sailors' sunglasses have to be seeworthy?
  • Where did the name Department of Interior come from when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
  • Is someone who crosses the ocean twice without a shower a dirty double crosser?
  • If two people invest in a boat, is it called a partner-ship?
Oops! Outboard falls off (Video at YouTube)

Some nautical points to ponder:

  • Why is it when you transport something by car its called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
  • Are flagships made of nylon or cotton?
  • If wood boats are made of wood, and fiberglass boats made of fiberglass, then what are airboats made of?
  • Is a leak in the back of a boat a stern warning?

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Definition of a boat: A hole in the water, surrounded by fiberglass, into which you throw money.

What does the acronym "BOAT" stand for? Bring on another thousand.

The two happiest days of a boat owner's life are the day they buy the boat — and the day they sell it.

Sailing isn't dangerous... sinking is.

What do you call the day after two days of rain?        Monday.

If all your bilge pumps kick in at once, you've hit the dock too hard.

It's usually a good idea to keep the pointy end moving forward.

Definition of Sailing: The fine art of moving slowly at great expense.

Definition of Yawl: A southern sailboat.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

Why are windows on a boat called "port holes" when they are found on both sides?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken main halyard and a leaky toilet valve.

One beautiful summer morning, the employee phoned in to work and said. "Hello, boss. I'm not feeling very well. You're going to have to mark me as being out on sick leave today... OVER."

The worst things to hear when boating:

  • That island over there doesn't seem to be on this chart.
  • Is that what a waterspout looks like?
  • Ummmm, there's a VERY big boat behind us.
  • We need a bigger boat. [From "Jaws”]

And finally, an old joke from Minnesota:

Ole died, so Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "Just write, 'Ole died.'"
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We really should say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K., then write, 'Ole died. Boat for sale.'"

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